Apparently I’m very old. I’m tired of the 2000s. Do you hear that Father Time? Baby New Year? Anyone?

I’m tired of the years zipping by quickly and leaving my beloved 90s in the dust - I’m tired of girls dressing like sluts and flashing their boob jobs in front of a camera while pretending to be deep and spiritual the rest of the time. I’m tired of music with no heart or feeling - or lyrics. I’m tired of living under Republican dictatorship.

I’m tired of Buffy, the X-Files, Farscape and Angel being replaced by the likes of One Tree Hill and American Idol. I’m tired of everyone in the world donning a side-tilted fedora as if it were the most unique thing anyone could do to stand out from the crowd. I’m just tired.

It’s a good thing I don’t live in the real world, and that I’ve got the ability to remain 17 years old in my head, wearing my loose socks and school uniform, toting my bento box and shopping for boot-cut pants and platforms. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I believe it’s closing time…